it's in the air....

I don't follow basketball like I used to.

When I was twelve I knew more about MJ and Scottie than their mothers did. I could have picked Dino Radja out of a lineup of 10 other guys who look like eastern European bad guys from Bond movies. On occasion, I slept with a basketball.

But now things are different. While I publicly blame the awful job ABC has done with presenting the national games, and the Bulls giving me Ron Mercer as the best player on my team for a year, I must admit: I simply don't have the time I did when I was in sixth grade.

No excuse; I know.

But, like the all of life's finests, a new appreciation for the sport I grew up on has developed over the years. Here's why I love basketball, and why you should, too.


-It's candid.
In football, helmets and mouth guards shield most on-field emotion. The league shields most off-the-field emotion. The unscripted kind, anyway. And where I come from, in baseball, managers fall asleep (although I'm surprised that the MLB doesn't have more Albert Belles and Mannys with leadership like Bud's).

On any given night in basketball you're going to see scowls. You're going to see yelling. And you know the TV stations can't resist subtly relaying a few F-bombs to the people watching at home.


-The announcers.
Basketball analysis is hilarious. It's one part stating the obvious, one part infomercial (ABC), and one part former players who are bored, have little training, and have nothing to lose (Stacey King). Announcers also try addressing both of their main audiences (those who relate to Allen Iverson and those who relate to Archie Bunker) at the same time. It is great entertainment.


-Rivalries.
LeBron & Co. aside, the NBA features some of the best team rivalries and best individual rivalries. The game allows so much focus to be poured defensively on one player, that he is bound to get pissed off over the course of the never-ending postseason. This brews hatred. Every team has a Chris Pronger.

-Players from other countries.
Crazy hair, crazy accent, crazy jump shots. These aren't your daddy's Tony Kukocs. Dirk, Pau, and Nash aren't afraid to tussle with people who are much stronger than them.

-Inept coaches.
What other industry do you not need credentials to get top positions and 7-figure incomes? Welcome to the NBA. Not only are coaches allowed to be inept, but they are encouraged to be second mascots for the team, doing jumping jacks up-and-down the sideline, and they're not afraid to one-up the routines of the cheerleaders.



It may be different now, but I still love basketball.


Let the season begin.

NBA Jam Rosters

I know that all the other blogs out there have already given their breakdowns on the new NBA Jam's rosters. However, all of that analysis will prove to be nothing compared to what you are about to behold. Please study up because there will be many a Man Challenge in my apartment once we acquire this glorious video game.

(For those who do not know - Man Challenges were created our freshman year of college. They consist of challenging another man to a three game series of video games. Back then, we first used NHL 2k5 but then moved on to Madden and NCCA Football, too. The key is that you do not get to choose your team for a Man Challenge. Instead, you have to randomly select your squad for each of the three games in order to test your true manliness. Usually Miller High Life is also consumed during the events.)

Atlanta Hawks
Players: Joe Johnson, Josh Smith and Mike Bibby
Legends: Dominique Wilkins and Spud Webb

Only a true pimp would select to play with a team of Bibby and Spud. But I imagine they would get maimed so badly in the first half, that they would be unable to play the second half. Good thing you can combine Smith and 'Nique to run a personal Slam Dunk Contest for the win.

Boston Celtics
Players: Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Rajon Rondo and Ray Allen
Legends: Larry Bird and Kevin McHale

Whew, good thing they added those white guys - otherwise the true essence of Boston would be lost.

Charlotte Bobcats
Players: Gerald Wallace, Stephen Jackson and Tyrus Thomas
Mascot: Rufus Lynx

This a nasty, hood-ass team. Probably will be my second favorite to play with. But why the fuck is the Bobcats mascot a Lynx? That makes zero sense. At least he looks like a pimp.

Chicago Bulls
Players: Derrick Rose, Luol Deng, Joakim Noah and Carlos Boozer
Legends: Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman

I don't care if the strategy of NBA Jam is to throw down nasty dunks, I'm just gonna shoot 19 footers with Lu all day long.

Cleveland Cavaliers
Players: Mo Williams, Antawn Jamison and Anderson Varejao
Legends: Mark Price and Brad Daugherty

Ha, the Cavs are terrible. Please try to convince me that their current roster in this video game and in real life is not bottom five in the league. You can't, it's impossible, mainly because it's full of quitters.

Detroit Pistons
Players: Richard Hamilton, Rodney Stuckey, Charlie Villanueva and Ben Gordon
Legends: Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer

I hope that Charlie Villanueva's hairless body is properly animated. Side note - can I ever resist making a Charlie Villanueva joke? No, never. Same goes for Adam Morrison/Jay Cutler diabetes jokes. To me, they never get old.

Indiana Pacers
Players: Danny Granger, Mike Dunleavy and T.J. Ford
Legend: Detlef Schrempf

No Reggie? Ouch. There goes my bombs away three point lineup with him and Dunleavy. Also note, this team is not all that good sans Reggie and a big man since you really only have to focus on not getting beat with Granger. Kinda like the real Pacers.

Milwaukee Bucks
Players: Michael Redd, Andrew Bogut, Brandon Jennings and Corey Maggette
Mascot: Bango The Buck

This will actually be a fun team to play with. Between BJ's speed and shooting and Bogut's noodle arm rebounding/blocking down low, they will be very frustrating to face. And any animal named "Bango" also intimidates me.

New Jersey Nets
Players: Devin Harris, Brook Lopez and Courtney Lee
Legends: Kenny Anderson and Drazen Petrovic

They should have included Jayson Williams' limo driver as a legend so that you could play with an all-dead lineup!

New York Knicks
Players: Al Harrington, Danilo Gallinari and Amare Stoudemire
Legends: Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson and John Starks

Man, fuck John Starks.

Orlando Magic
Players: Dwight Howard, Vince Carter and Rashard Lewis
Legends: Nick Anderson and Scott Skiles

How do you not include Penny? He is easily top five in terms of players who should not have been left out of the game. But then again, he still thinks he can lace it up for the Heat, so maybe he can't quite go to "Legend" status yet. That's why they should have included a "Underachieved But Was Sweet Anyways" category of players to pick from.

Philadelphia 76ers
Players: Andre Iguodala, Elton Brand and Evan Turner
Legends: Julius Erving and Allen Iverson

No one's ever going to play with anyone besides AI and Dr. J. They shouldn't have even bothered to include current Sixers at all.

Toronto Raptors
Players: DeMar DeRozan, Jarrett Jack and Andrea Bargnani
Mascot: The Raptor

Holy fuck. I hope I never get this team in a Man Challenge.

Washington Wizards
Players: Yi Jianlian, Andray Blatche, Gilbert Arenas and John Wall
Legend: Manute Bol
Mascot: G-Wiz

Dave has preemptively declared that this will be his go-to team. And I can't blame him, the possibilities for fun are endless with this roster. Yi and Manute Bol on the floor at the same time! Child please, you know that you won't be able to fight back your laughter watching them play together.

Dallas Mavericks
Players: Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd and Caron Butler
Mascot: Mavs Man

Totally would have been cooler if you were able to play a Dirk/Bratwurst lineup instead of using Mavs Man.

Denver Nuggets
Players: Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups and Kenyon Martin
Mascot: Rocky The Mountain Lion

No Dikembe Mutombo? We have to settle for a dorky mascot that looks like the Pink Panther to pair with one of our hood-ass players? Come on! Hopefully you are only allowed to wear the rainbow warrior unis in order to make up for this travesty against such an awesome franchise.

Golden State Warriors
Players: Monta Ellis, David Lee, Stephen Curry and Andris Biedrins
Legends: Tim Hardaway and Chris Mullin

Damn, too bad they didn't pick John Amaechi for the Magic, otherwise matching up them and this team with Hardaway would have been the ultimate face-off.

Houston Rockets
Players: Kevin Martin, Yao Ming and Trevor Ariza
Legends: Hakeem Olajuwon and Kenny Smith

Much the way Dave immediately picked the Wizards, I chose this team. Please explain to me how you are going to stop my Yao/Hakeem go-to combo. Impossible. You will be unable to shoot at all since video games don't care that Yao is as reliable as my old '88 Cavalier.

Los Angeles Clippers
Players: Baron Davis, Blake Griffin and Chris Kaman
Legend: Danny Manning

I hope they have a good knee doctor.

Los Angeles Lakers
Players: Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, Ron Artest and Lamar Odom
Legends: Magic Johnson and James Worthy

Not even fair.

Memphis Grizzlies
Players: O.J. Mayo, Zach Randolph and Rudy Gay
Legend: Bryant Reeves

BIG COUNTRY! (Lots of excited 13-year-old girl shrieking)

Minnesota Timberwolves
Players: Al Jefferson, Kevin Love, Jonny Flynn and Michael Beasley
Legend: Chuck Person

Woof.

New Orleans Hornets
Players: Chris Paul, David West and Peja Stojakovic
Legend: Larry Johnson

You know that this means there will have to be many Hornets/Knicks matchups just so LJ can face himself.

Oklahoma City Thunder
Players: Kevin Durant, Jeff Green and Russell Westbrook
Legend: Rumble The Bison

I hate this game for not allowing the Thunder to have Payton & Kemp from the Sonics. That sucks since they were far and away the best one-two combo in any version of NBA Jam ever.  Durant/Kemp would have been my favorite to play with, but no, Seattle can't even have the glory of getting to have fun playing NBA Jam.

Phoenix Suns
Players: Steve Nash, Grant Hill and Jason Richardson
Legends: Dan Majerle and Kevin Johnson

Do you get to use the 1995 version of Grant Hill?

Portland Trail Blazers
Players: Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden
Legend: Clyde Drexler

Maybe there will be some secret code that will allow you to play as Jordan/Durant - "What Could Have Been" mode - that would make this team way sweeter.

Sacramento Kings
Players: Tyreke Evans, Carl Landry, Jason Thompson and DeMarcus Cousins
Legend: Mitch Richmond

Mitch Richmond is way underrated and forgotten in by basketball history, but it will be impossible to resist playing with the Tyreke/Cousins combo.

San Antonio Spurs
Players: Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili
Legends: David Robinson and George Gervin

I'm getting tired of posting, and this team is putting me to sleep, per usual. I better move on before I pass out.

Utah Jazz
Players: Deron Williams, Andrei Kirilenko and Mehmet Okur
Legends: Karl Malone and John Stockton

Just slightly less boring because of Deron. And the Mailman/Deron combo will be the game's best. I doubt they will ever lose a Man Challenge.

All I know is that October 5th cannot get here fast enough. All are welcome to my crib when we buy this game and don't come outside for the fortnight following.

February Musings.

Well, once again, leave it to the Okapi to resurrect a dead blog...

Let me get something straight, NBA...you're considering a lock-out in 2011 as well?

OK. So. Both the NBA and the NFL are saying lockouts are very serious possibilities.

Do our major sports WANT us to turn into India and Pakistan and get gung-ho for cricket? I'm considering it. Because I'm sick of the money and the ego of these people we watch! Sure, cricket makes absolutely no sense and may actually dumb down one's IQ, but they love it everywhere not-here. Maybe we can get into rugby? Or Aussie Rules Football? That'd be sweet...

Why people are arguing of millions upon millions of dollars baffle me. I don't care if there are teams struggling. Stop complaining and eliminate them. Don't mention the Nets and their 1,000 fans that showed up to the game today. Everybody in New Jersey checked out long before this blasphemy of a season when it became common sense they were gonna move to Brooklyn sometime between now and then. Regardless. Stop bitching. I'm sick of it. Just play. If you get paid 100,000 dollars, it's more than you deserve if you make a living playing a game. And you're gonna get more than that if you're good, anyway via merchandising.

Get this: if the season ended today TORONTO (go dinosaurs) and CHARLOTTE would be in the playoffs. My brain hurts. Even crazier? So would Oklahoma City. Go the-only-team-to-be-named-after-a-sound. In the NRL in Melbourne, Australia, there's a team called the Storm. At least that's an actual physical thing you can see. Never heard of the Kansas City Claps or the Sacramento Shouts. Maybe the name is supposed to invoke the thundering herds of bison, which would make sense if there was a buffalo incorporated in the logo somehow. WHAT IS THIS FRANCHISE'S OBSESSION WITH SOUNDS!? The Sonics? The Thunder? I'm afraid what will happen if they move elsewhere...

You have to feel for Seattle, though. Not only did they have to put up with two of the worst teams in their respected sports this past season (Seattle Seahawks, Seattle Mariners), but now their basketball team, after moving to the infinitely less interesting metropolis of OK City, is flourishing. People weren't showing up in Seattle because of the product. You don't up and leave when the product sucks when it's your own fault for terrible personell decisions. Their team is actually competing in the West! They're a real team!

Oh, and just so we're clear, Milwaukee, Memphis, and the New York Knicks-Knicks-Knicks have a legitimate shot at the playoffs. Maybe taking a break for a season would help bring things back to normal...

Caption Contest Part #1

Clearly, Vinny is exclaiming how D is a far better point than he is or ever hoped to be.  However, give me a funny caption to compliment this photo... GO!

Ancient Astronaut Theory In Action

Oh no!  The aliens are bossing around Flip Saunders now!  I wonder what his crystal skull looks like.

Power Rankings 12/27/09

Right, I know it has been a while.  But trust me, I have been busy.  For one, I received Simmons' Book of Basketball on Christmas.  I am considering using this book to replace The Wu Tang Manual as my religious book of choice.  I'm just saying, that's how inspirational it is.  Although I guess that only gives me an excuse for not posting for the last two days or whatever, shit.  I really don't care honestly.

And you know what, layupdrill.com, one of my personal favorites, said that the basketball season doesn't really start until after Christmas anyways, so sticking to that belief, I guess I shouldn't have even bothered with Power Rankings until now.

1. Boston Celtics (LM: 2, 23-5) - Most people in their power rankings have the Lakers ranked first, and honestly, I can't disagree with them.  The Lakers are the defending champs and have what I think is the best team (is bringing Lamar Odom off the bench a basketball strategy or simply a way of having him max a lot of candy for the first few minutes?).  But I think the Celtics at this point have a better chance of winning the championship this season.  Look at the Western Conference, it's fucking stacked.  Down the stretch, the Lakers will get beat up and will have a tough road to the Finals.  On the other hand, the Celtics have a creampuff conference that will result in essentially a first round bye in the playoffs.  I think that the amount of rest the Celts will have down the stretch will make the difference.  Sorry Lakers.

2. LA Lakers (LM: 1, 24-5) - I used to really hate Kobe a lot.  Then I saw him play the Bulls just over a week ago and drop 20 in the first.  I kind of like him now, he's a really good basketball player.  Oh wait, what the fuck is this?  Okay, really not a fan anymore.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers (LM: 6, 23-8) - I regret saying that this team sucked over a month ago.  Apparently, Shaq can take a backseat.  Apparently, this team can win.  Apparently, I was wrong.

4. Orlando Magic (LM: 5, 22-8) - Pointless debate of the week I had with my roommates, what would happen if Lebron instead of Vinsanity played on the Magic?  How unstoppable would this team be?  Would they be the best team ever?  Discuss.

5. Denver Nuggets (LM: 3, 20-10) - The small drop they had from number three doesn't mean that this team is any worse than they were last month.  That drop simply means that other teams finally started living up to their potential.  Nobody wants to draw this team in the playoffs at all this year at all.  Carmelo has put himself in the list of the top five guys you want to take the last shot and can easily take over a playoff series.  I'm really hoping for a Lakers/Nuggets Western Conference Finals this year.  Hopefully it will be like the Lakers/Blazers or Lakers/Kings from earlier this century, but you know, without Tim Donaghy.

6. Atlanta Hawks (LM: 8, 21-8) - I see you wondering when the last time the Hawks were good.  Well guess what?  I have saved you the trouble.  The answer is 1997-1998 when they were bounced in the Conference Semis (they were pretty good in '98/'99 too, but I refuse to acknowledge that strike-shortened season) and lead by the likes of Christian Laettner, Steve Smith, Mookie Blaylock, and Dikembe Mutumbo.  Now, they are lead by straight hoodtasticness.

(At this point, don't expect to see another Eastern Conference team for a little while, okay?  Okay.)

7. Dallas Mavericks (LM: 9, 21-9) - Will the Nowitzki-era Mavs go down as the greatest regular season team of all-time?

8. Phoenix Suns (LM: 7, 19-12) - When I was watching the Christmas day blowout of the Clippers, the announcers were praising Alvin Gentry for the brilliant system he has put in place in Phoenix.  My question to them would be... what system?  Isn't Gentry just allowing Nash to run around like its D'Antoni's old system?  Do you think Alvin Gentry is even doing any coaching?  This is why I put my money on him as this year's Coach of the Year.

9. Portland Trailblazers (LM: 14, 20-12) - They don't have any big men left, and hell, that fact doesn't bother Brandon Roy at all.  Plus, he did fine without Oden last year.  Now, he won't have man shaped like Shawn Kemp in 2002 trudging up the floor behind him anymore.

10. San Antonio Spurs (LM: 10, 16-11) - If there is anything that I have learned from The Book of Basketball, it is that Tim Duncan is a winner.  He's fucking boring, but he's also a winner.

11. Houston Rockets (LM: 17, 18-12) - I think that T-Mac deserves to be voted in as an All Star starter to spite all of the media elite (including me) who have over looked what this team has done so far this season.  So I encourage you to vote for him with the billions of Chinese already doing so apparently.

12. Miami Heat (LM: 4, 15-12) - This has to be the most schizophrenic team in the league, but that makes sense considering Michael Beasley's presence.

13. Utah Jazz (LM: 16, 17-13) - Another team quietly creeping in the bottom half of the Western Conference.  Something tells me that they want that in order to pounce during the playoffs.

14. Oklahoma City Thunder (LM: 12, 15-14) - How often do you think the Thunder send a bouquet of flowers to the Blazers thanking them for taking Oden with the first pick?

15. New Orleans Hornets (LM: 18, 13-15) - I have money on the Hornets sending a formal letter of complaint to Stern this upcoming offseason to demand to be moved to the Eastern Conference again.  I say their suffering in the West is what they get for leaving behind Charlotte and these kickass jackets.

16. Toronto Raptors (LM: 11, 15-17) - I'm still not sold on Chris Bosh really being that good.  I think he's a lot like Shareef Abdur-Rahim was in Vancouver.  I mean, sure the guy can put up crazy stats, but has he ever won anything?  This combination would worry Bill Simmons, too.

17. Sacramento Kings (LM: 25, 13- 16) - This slotting may be a little hasty based on the hype surrounding the infamous 35-point comeback, but Tyreke Evans can single-handedly keep this team afloat at this spot.  However, if I'm the Kings, I start tanking for a pick.  Can you imagine Evans and John Wall on the same team?  Unstoppable.  Then there will be a reign of disastrously-colored teams for a while with the Thunder.

18. Milwaukee Bucks (LM: 20, 12-16) - Too bad for our boy, Brandon Jennings, that he is stuck in the media blackhole known as Milwaukee.  Put this kid on an East Coast team, and the amount of fellating he receives on ESPN would have Tim Legler looking like he just ate lemon.

19. Memphis Grizzlies (LM: 29, 13-16) - At this point, I'm simply slotting teams so that I can avoid talking about the Bulls.

(The remaining portion of this post was completed while watching Wedding Crashers, a part of Rachel McAdams day, about four hours after the previous rankings.  A few beverages were consumed in the process.)

20. Chicago Bulls (LM: 15, 11-17) - Let's be frank, the Bulls fucking suck.  I hated Ben Gordon because of his terrible streaky ass scoring.  Although some Bulls fans swear that he was the second-coming of Larry Bird (trust me, if you play for UConn, you are pretty white... Ray Allen, Emeka Okafor, Khalid Al-Amin, etc.) scoring wise.  Bullshit.  He sucked.  But we need him, unfortunately.  Watching this offense operate without him is like watching John Edwards talk with his wife.  At least Tyrus is finally back.  Although last time I wrote that his injury might be a blessing in disguise, I stand corrected.  At least he opens up the lane for Derrick to drive through because a defender always has to be on him to prevent the alley-oop, something that was not necessary for Brad Miller.  But hey, if we somehow pull out the eight seed again, at least we can tell pending free agents that we are a playoff-caliber team ready to get to the next platform, right?

21. Detroit Pistons (LM: 19, 11-19) - Worse GM, Isiah Thomas or Joe Dumars? ... GO!

22. New York Knicks (LM: 27, 11-18) - They are only in front of everyone else because they one legit player in David Lee.  Don't dog him, he's sweet.  If I had a fantasy basketball team, I would have taken him in the first round and looked like a genius.

23. Charlotte Bobcats (LM: 24, 11-17) - At this point, I got him drunk rant and Isiah burn out of the way, so I don't care about giving any more explanations.  Plus, I have to play some sweet ass Super Mario Bros Wii.

24. LA Clippers (LM: 23, 12-17)

25. Indiana Pacers (LM: 22, 9-19)

26. Washington Wizards (LM: 13, 10-18) - Oh, how the perceived to be mighty have fallen.


27. Golden State Warriors (LM: 26, 8-21)

28. Philadelphia 76ers (LM: 21, 7-22)


29. Minnesota Timberwolves (LM: 28, 7-24) - Their record looks like a night from the field for Ben Gordon.

30. New Jersey Nets (LM: 30, 2-28) - Maybe Brook Lopez should move to Denver:

That was the most Rachel McAdams-looking girl I could find in honor of this glorious holiday.  Although, I guess she looks more like Isla Fisher.  Oh well.

Syke! AI's back, and with Philly

Shazam! The rumors were true.

Zach and I can be happy again.

who is the best player playing right now?

Today I am tackling this question, one of the most fight-inducing questions 20-something males can have today. At the root of why this question remains perpetually lively in pubs everywhere lies the confusion in theformat. There are statistics (along with lies and damn lies), fantasy rankings, and mvp voting (which drags the "what constitutes mvp" debate in with it). Other side-debates that usually must be dealt with include whether or not you'll concede consistency for the hope of an "upside", the system the particular player plays in, contract situation, and, of course, outstanding legal problems.

I have a clean and definitive method that will make the scrambled mess above moot.

How would you rank the players if you were having a fantasy draft in a video game?

This might seem childish--and it is--, but so is having this argument to begin with, so I'm running with it. The videogame thing works because it gives you a reason and an end with which to have the debate. See, GMs have an end in mind. They need to build a good team. That makes the stakes real. Unless you are a GM of an actual team, your argument is probably based on the last article you read in the ESPN magazine while taking a poop. Though a video game seems tacky, it brings the abstract into focus using a lens that every one of your buzzed buddies can identify with. While this may not settle the argument, it certainly levels the playing field.

10. Tyson Chandler - Not even Duncan made the list. Why Chandler? Well, he's really tall and he jumps out of the gym, setting him up perfectly for success with two of the pillars of video-game basketball: blocking shots, alley-oops/put-back dunks
9. Dwyane Wade - Too bad heart isn't measured on video games. He's a great slasher though, making him a sure top-ten pick.
8. Dwight Howard - Loses points for height deficiency. Makes the list because of brute strength.
7. Chris Paul - The only PG -and the only dude under 6'6" to make the list. Why? Well, he shoots the three really, really well, but most importantly he is lightening quick. And, as we all know, fast break points are usually 60-70 percent of total offensive output.
6. Tracy McGrady - Two years ago I would have put him above Kobe as he is lankier (and has a lazy eye), but Kobe now shoots the threes better.
5. Kobe Bryant - Although his ability to get off a good mid-range jumper in any situation is the reason he can win championships by himself now, it is not the reason he is #5 (who takes mid-range jumpers in video games?!). His 3point + slasher style of play makes him #5.
4. Kevin Garnett - A strong man's Tyson Chandler.
3. Dirk Nowitzki - Really good at shooting threes. Really good at being 7 feet tall.
2. LeBron James - He can do it all...
1. Yao Ming - ...but this guy is 7'5". Sit him down low all game. Good for unlimited put-backs, rebounds (which start fast breaks), blocks (which takes away the other team's slasher leaving the 3 as the only viable video game shot), and glee found in laughing at how the video-game designers make his face look like it went through a pasta roller, every time.


So there it is. Yao Ming is the best player playing today. That should settle that argument.

Allen Iverson retires

It's a sad, sad day for the NBA.

Allen Iverson, The Answer, who averaged 27 PPG over 14 seasons and stands as the 6th leading scorer in NBA history, has retired, my man Stephen A. reports.

Expect more analysis of this decision from all over the hoops blogosphere, including this blog, over the weekend. Apparently AI couldn't stand the thought of playing in the NBA as a bench player, and retired after a measly three games with the Grizzlies this season.

In the meantime, let's remember the good times.

23

Yesterday, LeBron James suggested he was going to subtract 17 from his jersey number at the end of the year. He suggested others who are currently wearing 23 do the same in a display of respect to Michael Jordan. Now I'm about as big a Michael Jordan fan as anyone. I even let his ethical misgivings float by virtually unnoticed because he made my suburban childhood kick major ass, giving me something to aspire to and root for. But I hope LBJ's idea doesn't come to pass.

Having your number is the greatest sign of respect in sports. I don't know the ratio of retired numbers to hall-of-fame inductees, but I would imagine retired numbers are more rare (Otherwise, we'll have to go alpha-numeric by the time I'm 60). Talk about leaving an impact. Even if you set the scoring record, someone will eventually overtake you. Removing a number from play is forever unbeatable. Nobody can question you anymore because nobody can compare. Nobody will ever be a better ___.

Now LeBron James is very good. He is the game's most marketable player, he is generally well-spoken, and he is the future torch-bearer of the league. Having a cocky young buck take the time to bow down to the same guy he is essentially going after is definitely noteworthy. But as good as he is, and as sexy as grassroots movements usually are, this move just doesn't pack much of a punch.

There is the naming-rights issue. Who likes calling the park on the South Side U.S. Cellular Field? Does the United Center sound better than the Chicago Stadium? Who is excited to have Wrigley Field at Boeing Park? The point is that when there is something you like, you don't want to be forced to associate it with anything else, even if you do like flying United in a Boeing 787. If this happens, it will forever be the "MJ's 23 by LeBron." That sounds like a cologne.

Secondly, this would be an honor from one dude. OK, if the other players who currently wear 23 gave it up there would be 12 others, but how venerable is someone who is honored by CJ Watson, really? If this gesture were personified it would look like Tiny Tim, all 60 pounds of him propped up on a crutch. Hundreds of active players, thousands of retired players, a globally known NBA brand....and the dignitaries at the ceremony consist of Jason Richardson and Wes Matthews? Come on. Unless it comes from up top/on high, with the full support of all teams, this thing is a sham. It's like the manager from Wendy's, a clerk from the bank, and a homeless dude offering you a key to the city.

If LeBron really wanted to honor MJ, he would confidentially bring it up to the players union, who would then present it as a collective thing to David Stern. No single name behind it, especially not LBJ's. He should focus on his last-second shots and leave the doling of accolades to those better suited for it.

Not to mention parents strapped for cash are going to have to buy their little snots new LBJ #6's next Christmas...

Power Rankings 11/8/09

A bunch of the games this week really screwed me up.  The Bulls barely beat the Bobcats while also keeping up with the Cavs in Cleveland.  Something tells me this will be a wild season.

1. LA Lakers (LW: 1, 5-1) - Think about what happens to this team when Pau Gasol comes back.

2. Boston Celtics (LW: 2, 7-1) - So they slipped up against the red-hot Suns.  It happens.  But they also only beat the T-Wolves by two.  That shouldn't be happening.

3. Denver Nuggets (LW: 4, 5-2) - Ty Lawson is averaging 11 points off the bench right now.  And he has Chauncy teaching him the ropes of the point guard position.  I think he might end up being pretty good.

4. Miami Heat (LW: 7, 5-1) - When the hell did Udonis Haslem turn into one of the most dominating forces in the paint in the East?

5. Orlando Magic (LW: 6, 5-2) - I forgot about Rashard Lewis' steroid suspension.  Why the hell has there been no coverage of that going into the season, ESPN?  JJ Redick is also starting while Vinsanity nurses an ankle problem.  Some team will probably end up thinking that Redick is good.  That's a shame.

6. Cleveland Cavaliers (LW: 3, 4-3) - This team is falling fast.  If you thought the LeBron teams in the past didn't have role players, check out this substandard cast of aging vets.  They will need another piece if they want to be thinking championship and not 4th seed in the East.

7. Phoenix Suns (LW: 16, 6-1) - I underrated this team last week.  Although I have yet to see this team play, they seem to be playing the old "six seconds or less" offense.  They are beating some good teams and putting up fairly lofty point totals.  But I'm not so sure they can keep it up.  At least they look good in this week's rankings.

8. Atlanta Hawks (LW: 11, 5-2) - If you randomly choose a player from this team, there is a 75% chance that his first name will start with either a M or J.  MJ!  Coincidence?  I think not.

9. Dallas Mavericks (LW: 9, 4-2) - Dirk Nowtizki looks like a man on a mission this year.  Unfortunately, Tim Thomas comes back from his injury soon.  His lack of caring on the court is certain to rub off.

10. San Antonio Spurs (LW: 5, 2-3) - A fucked up schedule of traveling (look at the nights and locations) has probably resulted in the poor start for Duncan & Co, so their record should even out eventually.  However, I'm dropping them this week because of all the Manu vs. bat coverage I have had to endure recently.  I can't believe I have an entire season to put up with terrible bat jokes.

11. Toronto Raptors (LW: 12, 3-3) - Chris Bosh is playing like an absolute beast.  And it makes sense, because he does look like a raptor.

12. Oklahoma City Thunder (LW: 13, 3-3) - They were one Kevin Durant buzzer beater from beating the Lakers.  So despite the three losses this week, they are yet to make me look dumb.

13. Washington Wizards (LW: 8, 2-5) - This team is making me look dumb.  I just wanted to place them here to coincide with the line in the Thunder's analysis before they plummet to much further down the list next week.


14. Portland Trail Blazers (LW: 15, 3-3) - What I explained about them last week is coming true.  They played three games this week, and they were all close games.  Only time will tell if that will sharpen them or wear them out.

15. Chicago Bulls (LW: 17, 4-2) - Look who's leading the Central in the East as of now!  The loss of Tyrus may end up being a blessing in disguise because Taj has looked pretty good.  But I'm super worried about Rose.  He's not 100%, and it shows.

16. Utah Jazz (LW: 10, 2-4) - The inexperience of their bench is killing them right now.  Those players will have to learn fast if they want to compete in the West.

17. Houston Rockets (LW: 20, 4-2) - How is this team winning?  They haven't been playing a bunch of softies.  All I know is that a team with Chase Budinger getting regular playing time should not be a winning squad.  If this keeps up, they will be moving up more.  But I'm not buying into them just yet.

18. New Orleans Hornets (LW: 14, 2-4) - Chris Paul misses Tyson Chandler.  Emeka Okafor is not as fun to throw an alley-oop to.  Paul to Okafor will never look as good as this ish. 

19. Detroit Pistons (LW: 18, 3-4) - Ben Gordon is almost starting to look consistent.  That has to be a fluke, right?

20. Milwaukee Bucks (LW: 27, 3-2) - I completely misread Jennings.  That guy is awesome.

21. Philadelphia 76ers (LW: 19, 3-3) - I thought they would look good here mashed up with some of the other teams in the East competing for the right to play the Celtics in the first round.

22. Indiana Pacers (LW: 23, 2-3) - Please see my explanation for the 76ers.  I don't feel like writing same thing here.

23. LA Clippers (LW: 30, 3-4) - Uh oh, look who's on a three game win streak! Oh wait... it was against Minnesota, Golden State, and Memphis.  Oh, nevermind.

24. Charlotte Bobcats (LW: 26, 3-3) - Can we get rid of this team?  They really bore me.

25. Sacramento Kings (LW: 29, 2-4) - Andres Nocioni got arrested for drunk driving last night.  I miss him.

26. Golden State Warriors (LW: 24, 1-3) - They are currently playing the Kings as I write this post.  No one is watching the game.

27. New York Knicks (LW: 24, 1-6) - How many sleepless nights do you think Mike D'Antoni has had thinking about how he could be coaching Derrick Rose instead of Chris Duhon?

28. Minnesota Timberwolves (LW: 28, 1-5) - Sasha Pavlovic is barely getting any playing time on this super shitty team.  Can you believe that the Cavs management really thought that he could be a legit role player for LeBron?

29. Memphis Grizzlies (LW: 22, 1-6) - I'm putting the odds of Iverson leaving for a European team at fifty-fifty right now.  Imagine if he and Josh Childress grew 'fros out together!  Head & Shoulders already sees the possibility to annoy me with more terrible commercials.  We can only hope that Childress has a more manly voice than Polamalu.

30. New Jersey Nets (LW: 21, 0-7) - Being the only winless team assures the Nets the last spot on this list.  Remember when I said that the Hornets may be the one team who is most dependent on their star?  Well, I was wrong.  This team is real bad without Yi Jianlian.  Oh, and I guess Devin Harris being injured is a little bit of an excuse, too.  Let's just hope that CDR's swine flu is controlled.  I don't want to know what Brook Lopez would look like if he were infected with that shit.

My Boy AI

I was deeply saddened about the news today that Allen Iverson is walking away from the Grizzlies. I really thought this was going to work out for him, and he would be able to come back as a good version of Sam Cassell that only plays for the Celtics or Lakers and comes in just as a veteran backup. I really like Allen Iverson. Watch this clip and tell me he wasn't fun to watch. Or watch this and tell me he didn't give a shit. The dude lived in a car growing up, and played his heart out. I really enjoyed watching AI dominate for years, and put his body on the line every night. He was the only good player on the 76ers, and lead them to several conference championships.

I truly believe that he got a bad rap because of one hilarious press conference and one selfish year on the Pistons. The guy was aging, and had a broken down body. The Pistons gave him no chance, and wanted him to bail on them.

Allen, you were a fucking stud in the past decade plus. You were a soldier (hat tip Kellen Winslow). Now I'm going to watch Youtube clips of Iverson dominating people and think happily about his career.